Sexual Assault Information

Several myths exist about sexual assault. These myths often shift responsibility and blame from the rapist to the victim. Understanding the myths surrounding sexual assault may help you in your recovery.

What happened to you was a crime. You are not to blame for the rapist’s behavior.

MYTH: Rape is caused by the rapist’s uncontrollable sexual urge.
FACT: Rapes are often planned or carried out by strangers and acquaintances as the opportunity is presented. Rape is an act of power and control. The rapist’s goal is to disregard the victim and completely take away the victims personal power.

MYTH: Rapists are mentally ill or psychotic, and cannot help themselves.
FACT: Very few rapists are mentally incompetent and/or out of touch with reality. Most rapes are planned.

MYTH: The victim must have “asked for it” by being seductive, careless, drunk, high, etc.
FACT: No one asks to be abused, injured, or humiliated. This line of thought blames the victim for what happened instead of the perpetrator who chose to commit the crime. Individuals of all ages, from all walks of life, have been the targets of sexual assault. Not one of them “caused” their assailant to commit a crime against them.

MYTH: If women would just stop drinking so much, they wouldn’t be sexually assaulted.
FACT: Alcohol is a weapon that some rapists use to control their victim and render them helpless. As part of their plan, a rapist will encourage the victim to use alcohol, or identify an individual who is already drunk. Alcohol is not a cause of rape; it is only one of many tools that rapists use. Rape would still happen in the absence of alcohol.

MYTH: If the victim did not physically struggle with or fight the assailant, it wasn’t really rape.
FACT: An individual’s decision regarding how to survive a sexual assault was the best possible decision for that victim in that situation, and should not be second guessed. No one can claim to understand the fear, the threat made by the assailant, or other factors involved. There are types of coercion that don’t leave marks. Michigan law defines sexual assault with the words ‘lack of consent.’ In fact, there is a special law that says that the victim need not have resist the perpetrator in order for it to be considered rape.

MYTH: Most rapists are strangers to their victims.
FACT: Most rapes are committed by someone that the victim knows: a neighbor, friend, acquaintance, co-worker, classmate, spouse, partner, or ex-partner.

Talking with Significant Others

You may be wondering who you should tell or what you should say to significant people of in your life. Parents, friends, employers, neighbors, your partner can be sources of support and solace. Follow your own heart when deciding who to turn to.

You may worry that you are relying on others too much. It is OK to ask for help in times of crisis. People who truly care about you will want to help; people who truly care about you may need to be told how to help you. It is O.K. to tell people what you need from them. It is O.K. to say:

I don't want to be touched.
I need to be held.
I would like to talk about what happened.
I don't want to discuss that.

If someone close to you is having a difficult time being supportive or coping with your assault, you might ask them to read the following section.

Support From Your Local Rape Crisis Center

Individuals from outside your immediate circle of loved ones can also provide support and acceptance that may aid in your recovery. You are the person to determine the type of help that is most useful for you. Please consider that throughout the State of Michigan there are sexual assault programs that offer anonymous advocacy and counseling. Don’t hesitate to seek help from these programs. An advocate is a professional who is trained to assist sexual assault survivors in medical and legal matters. The advocate has an understanding of "the system" and how it works. He or she has likely served numerous other survivors. Many programs offer legal advocacy, which will include accompanying a survivor to court, the police station, or meetings with the prosecutor. An advocate is a source of practical, useful information and emotional support.

A sexual assault counselor is a professional who is trained to address your emotional needs. Many who have experienced sexual assault find that a counselor offers compassion and help. Some find that they can more easily discuss their assault with a professional who has worked with other survivors. You will benefit most from counseling when you decide that you want it.

Support groups are helpful recovery tools for many survivors. You may develop a supportive network with others who have had experiences similar to your own. Many survivors find support groups a valuable part of their healing process. A support group may be an alternative to counseling if you do not want one-on-one interaction.