Domestic Violence Information

Each year, more than 1 million women seek medical assistance for injuries caused by battering.

Myths and Facts about Domestic Violence

Myth #1 Battering is rare.

FACT: Battering is extremely common. The FBI estimates that a woman is beaten every 7.4 seconds in the United States.

Myth #2 Domestic violence occurs only in poor, poorly educated, minority, or “dysfunctional” families. It could never happen to anyone I know.

FACT: There are doctors, ministers, psychologist, police officers, and professionals who beat their partners. Battering happens in rich, white, educated and respectable families and relationships. Approximately half of the couples in this country experience violence at some time in their relationship. You are more likely to be assaulted by an intimate partner than a stranger.

Myth #3 Battering is about couples getting into a brawl on the weekend, beating each other up, and totally disrupting the neighborhood.

FACT: In domestic assaults, one partner is beating, intimidating, and terrorizing the other on an ongoing basis. It is NOT “mutual combat” or two people in a fist fight. It is one person dominating and controlling the other.

Myth #4 The problem is not really woman abuse; it is spouse abuse. Women are just as violent as men.

FACT: In over 95% of domestic assaults, the man is the perpetrator. This fact makes many of us uncomfortable, but is no less true because of that discomfort. To end domestic violence, we must scrutinize why it is men who are usually violent in partnerships. We must examine the historic and legal permission that men have been given to be violent in general, and to be violent towards their wives and children specifically. There are rare cases where a woman batters a man. Battering does occur in lesbian, gay male and bisexual relationships. Survivors of abuse in such relationships should hear that because their situation is rare — or because they are in a relationship that is scorned by society — that does NOT make their experience less valid or less serious.

Myth #5 When there is violence in the family, all members of the family are participating in the dynamic, therefore, all must change for the violence to stop.

FACT: Only the perpetrator has the ability to stop the violence. Many women who are battered make numerous attempts to change their behavior in hopes that this wills top the abuse. This does not work. Changes in the family members’ behaviors will not cause or influence the batterer to be non-violent.

Myth #6 Batterers are crazy.

FACT: An extremely small percentage of batterers are mentally ill. The vast majority seem completely normal, and are often charming, persuasive, and rational. The major difference between them and others is that they use force and intimidation to control their partners. Battering is a behavioral choice.

Myth #7 Domestic violence is usually a one time event, an isolated incident.

FACT: Battering is a pattern, a reign of force and terror. Once violence begins in a relationship, it escalates and becomes more frequent and severe over a period of time. Battering is NOT just one physical attack. It is a number of tactics — intimidation, threats, economic deprivation, psychological and sexual abuse — used repeatedly. Physical violence is one of those tactics. Experts have compared methods used by batterers to those used by terrorists to brainwash hostages.

Myth #8 Victims of battering always stay in violent relationships.

FACT: Many victims of battering leave their abusive partners permanently, and despite many obstacles, succeed in building a life free of violence. Almost all battering victims leave at least once. The perpetrator dramatically escalates the violence when the victim leaves, or tries to do so, because it is necessary for the perpetrator to reassert control and ownership. Victims of battering are often very active and far from helpless, on their own behalf. Their efforts often fail because the batterer continues to assault, and institutions refuse to offer adequate protection.