Dating Violence Information

Dating Violence

Dating abuse is defined as “any hurtful or unwanted physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional act inflicted by a casual or intimate dating partner." Dating abuse could be the most accurate indicator of future wife abuse; for many women, the abuse which began while dating continues and intensifies with marriage.

Between 25% and 50% of women who have intimate relationships with men will be physically abused by them at least once. Emotional abuse is even more prevalent. One in four, or 28% of high school and college students surveyed said that they had experienced violence in a dating relationship.

Myth’s and Facts About Dating Violence

Myth #1 When you fall in love, nothing else matters.

FACT: When you fall in love, you matter, he matters, and the rest of your life matters. Dropping out of your usual social circles, cutting time from your really long-standing friends, and playing into the nothing else matters game leaves you with just that — nothing else. Giving any one person all your time, energy, and attention puts them in a mighty powerful position. You are less likely to see the failures in the relationship, more likely to put up with the abuse, and definitely are on the road to an unhealthy relationship.

Myth #2 Love means never having to say you’re sorry.

FACT: The ability to apologize, to admit fault and to recognize mistakes constitutes one of the greatest traits in a solid partnership. Being in love means you are committed to say, “I’m sorry.”

Myth #3 If the person I am dating spends lots of money on me, I have to sleep with them.

FACT: If that person spends a lot of money, all you have to do is say, “Thank you.” You are not for sale! If you are not feeling comfortable with the money being spent, and the feelings of obligation, it is okay to set limits and not accept gifts or agree to go to places that cost money. Together look for activities that do not cost money and favors that are simply nice gestures, not elaborate gifts.

Myth #4 The person you are dating wouldn’t get so jealous if they didn’t really love me.

FACT: If the person you are dating really loves you they won’t try to control you through jealousy. What’s left unsaid is that they are insecure about their own feelings, are unsure of themselves, and mistrustful. Jealousy is a negative emotion.

Myth #5 Dating someone is better than dating no one.

FACT: You don’t have to date someone to be someone. Instead, focus your energies onto yourself, your friends, your interests, and your job. Find out who you are and what you like, and enjoy doing these things with yourself.

Myth #6 You’re nobody until somebody loves you.

FACT: We all need the love of someone. But that does not mean that we have to take it to the extremes of looking for love from just anyone. When we focus our existence as being tied up with someone else’s love, we lose sight of the most precious and important person in our lives. Ourselves. When we love ourselves, we are somebody.

Myth #7 You always hurt the one you love.

FACT: A solid, healthy relationship can never be sustained with pain and hurt as an element. Instead, it must be supported by the mutual theme, “You never hurt the one you love.”

Myth #8 He wouldn’t hurt me if he didn’t love me.

FACT: Perpetuated by films, music and the media, women continue to be depicted as victims. Men also perpetuate this myth when they attempt to apologize or excuse their behavior with, “It’s because I love you that I get so mad!” Women have been taught to be forgiving. We need to teach our sons and daughters that: “He won’t hit you if he really loves you.”

Myth #9 Men are innately superior to women.

FACT: Men and women are equal and deserve equal respect. A woman who believes in equality between men and women and trusts that her interests, job, hobbies, talents, and friends are just as important as her date’s is more likely to maintain an equal balance with her partner. An equal relationship has no tolerance for abuse or disrespect.

Myth #10 Resisting a date’s advances only enrages him.

FACT: A man who rapes women may do so if she refuses his advances or not. And each woman determines for herself the need to protect herself in a life-threatening situation. Men need to hear “no” for what it means. Women need to know that rape is wrong no matter who is involved. If it is a friend or a date, rape is still a crime.